Holy Sex

 In the movie, Apollo 13, there is a famous line uttered by Tom Hanks playing the character Jim Lovell.  “Houston, we have a problem.”  It was a bit of an understatement as the spacecraft was in danger of not completing its mission and all the astronauts being killed in the process.

            That line is appropriate for our day and age when it comes to having a Biblical view of sexuality – “Houston, we have a problem!”

            There have been many different views in popular culture but by far the most prevalent view today is sex is a personal way of self-expression.  Timothy Keller states this view in his book The Meaning of Marriage,  “[Our culture sees] Sex is primarily for an individual’s fulfillment and self-realization, however he or she wishes to pursue it.”

            One of the Biblical expressions of being a follower of Jesus is that Jesus becomes the Lord of your life.  (See Romans 10:9)  The idea of Jesus being Lord means that Jesus is in charge.  For those who are followers of Jesus, this is the daily choice we face – who is going to be in charge?  Am I going to be in charge or am I going to relinquish control to Jesus?

            For a person who is not a follower of Jesus, this idea that someone else would be in charge of me is absolutely ludicrous.  If there is one thing that Americans value, it is their freedom.  No one tells me what to do – I am the captain of my own ship; I am a rock, an island; I make my own destiny.  Of course, they are all lies, but that doesn’t make them less popular.

            This popular view of sexuality is a reflection of our belief that we are in charge and the goal of life is to figure out how I can be most self-fulfilled.  And it is in direct opposition to a Biblical view of sexuality.  The Apostle Paul sums up the Biblical view of sex and life most succinctly in his first letter to the Corinthian church (6:19-20):  “You are not your own, for you were bought with a price.  So glorify God in your body.”  In other words, God is the one in charge – you aren’t.  It isn’t all about you and your self fulfillment, it is all about God and his glory.

            Lest you begin to think I am a prude or a spoilsport (and even worse, that you would view God that way), know that God designed and created our sexuality for wonderful pleasure and joy.  But we only experience that when we live according to the owner’s manual.  A fine wine will still make us drunk and sick if we guzzle the whole bottle.  The finest sports car will still blow up when we red line the engine constantly.  It is not the wine’s fault nor is it a defect with the car that ruins the experience, it is the fault of the user.

            God is clear on what Holy Sex is all about.  When we become clear about it and live according to God’s design, there is great blessing.  We’ve got to read, study and understand the owner’s manual though.  And, if God talks about it, we should be talking about it too. 

Holy Sex.  It isn’t a misprint or a contradiction.  It is a blessing.

This Sunday at Cold Springs Church - 8, 9 and 10:30 we are going to continue our series on meaningful relationships with Like Me!  Holy Sex.  You don't want to miss it!

Peace and grace,

David

Like Me! Falling in Like

            A few years ago I was standing in line at the hardware store and a couple of friends were talking about the project they were working on.  As one friend described his house it became apparent that is was one of the very old homes in our community.  One of the problems he discovered was with the foundation – there wasn’t one!  Apparently, back in the day, the foundation consisted of a pile of big rocks under each corner of the house.  The rocks had slipped on his house and now the house was off kilter.  That would be quite the project – and quite the problem!

            Foundations are critical.  If there is a good foundation, there is the chance to build a solid structure.  But if the foundation is off, then everything is thrown off and it quickly becomes a mess.

            When it comes to building meaningful relationships, love is what makes them meaningful.  But love has many nuances.  For the Greeks, they used four different words to describe love.  In CS Lewis’ book “The Four Loves”, he describes the simplest and most foundational form of love as Appreciative love.  This Appreciative love can stand on its own but it also weaves its way into meaningful friendship, meaningful erotic love and meaningful covenantal love.

            If there was one word I would use to understand Appreciative love, it would be delight.  When we “like” someone there is a certain level of delight we take in them.  Delight finds enjoyment in someone.  We find ourselves choosing the longer line at the grocery store because we “like” a certain employee and they are working that line.  We go to Starbucks at the same time and use the drive-through because we have come to delight in the smile and friendly banter of the barista.  Appreciative love finds us stopping and just drinking in our children and grandchildren because they are just so goofy, silly, crazy – they are just so… delightful.

            Charlie, one of my softball buddies, has this great way he engages in the encouraging chatter toward his teammates on the field.  It’s always positive and it ends with this unique, sort-of-funky upward voice inflection.  Every time I hear it, I smile.  It’s just delightful – it’s him and it’s good.  I told him I appreciated it.

            The problem with Appreciative love is, no doubt, it won’t be long before we run into things we don’t appreciate or we don’t find delightful in another.  What then?  Well, we can pretty quickly fall in and out of like.  And much of it is dependent upon time, location, opportunity and choice.  Everyone has undelightful things about them.  The deeper loves look beyond those things and search for and focus on the delightful.  But here is the kicker – you can’t get to deeper, more meaningful loves without first finding delight in and appreciating another.

            So, here’s the assignment – practice “liking” others.  Seriously.  Look for the things that are delightful in others.  Look for the things you can appreciate.  In your struggling marriage, find the good.  In your punky, driving-you-crazy kid, find the delight.  In your overbearing, controlling parents, find what you appreciate.  It isn’t all there is to love but it is foundational to love.  And it is your choice.

Peace and grace,

David

“Delight yourself in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart.” (Psalm 37:4, ESV)

WE vs. ME

“We is always ________________ than me.”

What fits in the blank?  What would you put in?  For some, “We” is a word of disappointment and pain.  Friends, family, church, bosses, co-workers, neighbors have let them down so the blank is filled with decidedly negative thoughts.  It may be the temptation to fill it in with “more disappointing”, “more unsafe”, “more hurtful”, etc.  The challenge of life leads to greater isolation from others because – so the thinking goes – if you don’t get close to me, you can’t hurt me.

            But no one wants to be alone and lonely.  Sure, we all want our space at times but we were designed for relationship on pretty much every level – emotionally, physically, sexually, spiritually, mentally.  There is a reason that solitary confinement is a known effective punishment that can eventually lead to complete breakdown – emotional, physical, mental and spiritual.

            So, what would the Bible put in the blank?  What is the Biblical benefit of the “We” in our life?  How about this:  better, stronger, wiser, safer, richer.  Sure there is a cost – like my wife reminded me, we always uses more toilet paper than me!  How true, how true.  Especially when the “we” are kids.

“Where there is no guidance, a people falls, but in an abundance of counselors there is safety.” (Proverbs 11:14, ESV)

“Without counsel plans fail, but with many advisers they succeed.” (Proverbs 15:22, ESV)

“A wise man is full of strength, and a man of knowledge enhances his might, for by wise guidance you can wage your war, and in abundance of counselors there is victory.” (Proverbs 24:5–6, ESV)

“Two are better than one, because they have a good reward for their toil. For if they fall, one will lift up his fellow. But woe to him who is alone when he falls and has not another to lift him up! Again, if two lie together, they keep warm, but how can one keep warm alone? And though a man might prevail against one who is alone, two will withstand him—a threefold cord is not quickly broken.” (Ecclesiastes 4:9–12, ESV)

            “We” is how God intended us and created us.  But there are many who are far from “We” and lost in “Me.”  There was an article in the November/December 2010 AARP Magazine entitled All The Lonely People.  (OK jokers - no, it isn't my subscription!)  A few of things they discovered:  Over 44 million people are lonely and long to connect to someone else.  Most are ashamed that they are lonely and it drives them further away.  The highest percentage of people who suffer loneliness are those in their 40’s and 50’s but it affects all ages.  And, there was a 15% jump up to 35% who would be defined as chronically lonely from a similar survey 10 years previous.

            Now, let me ask you a simple question and the answer is not Disneyland:  What should be the least lonely people/place in the world?  The answer?  The Church!  But, I’ll bet our statistics aren’t a whole lot further off.  I’ve known many who have wandered away from CSCC and, after a little prodding, their reason was they didn’t connect – they were in a big group of people, all alone.  That breaks my heart.

            The essence of being a disciple is to Love God with everything we have and to Love People sacrificially.  Being a disciple of Jesus means we step out of our comfort zone to make room in our lives, reach out and just start loving people.  It starts with simple conversation – noticing when people are there and when they aren’t and then reaching out to them.

            We is always better than Me.  Find someone that needs a “We” and be Jesus in their life, love God, love them.  Make room, reach out, start loving.  It’s as simple and difficult as that!  And for those of us who are lonely, it is up to us as well to take the risk to step out, reach out and begin to take steps of trust.  Yep, you are going to get hurt, disappointed and let-down some of the time - just like you do to others.  But it doesn't change the truth that you need others and others need you.  Take the risk.

We is always better than Me.

Peace and grace,

David

Is the message of Jesus to "be good"?

             Did you know that not once does the Bible say, “Be good.”  My friend Steve says to me that he can sum up pretty much any Sunday with this – “Be good, do good.”  Now, the Bible does say we are to “do good.”  But it doesn’t say anything about “be good.”  There is a reason for that.  In our language, “be good” has the following meaning:  be nice, be safe, be polite, be considerate.  “Being good” has a sense about it of some benign, non-threatening, bland idea of niceness.  Steve is probably more right than I want to admit.  Too often the message we can walk away with is that we just need to “be more good.”

            Here are some facts to think about:

·      The typical U.S. Congregation draws an adult crowd that’s 61% female, 39% male.

·      Over 70 percent of the boys who are being raised in church will abandon it during their teens and twenties. Many of these boys will never return.

·      This Sunday almost 25 percent of married, churchgoing women will worship without their husbands.

o   Stats taken from www.churchformen.com

What these statistics seem to indicate is the typical message of “be good” is coming through loud and clear to men and they aren’t impressed.  So, by and large, they are staying away and walking away.  That is a travesty.

Is “be good” really the message of Jesus?  Is “niceness” the ultimate Christian virtue that we are to attain to?  I think not.

One of my favorite books is by John Eldridge - “Wild at Heart.”  I think every man should read it.    His message is pretty simple and it is this – every man needs three things – an adventure to live, a battle to fight and a beauty to rescue.  I like that and I actually think it is a pretty good summary of the story of Jesus.  You can’t read the story of Jesus without recognizing the drama of adventure.  The story of Jesus is full of battle – John’s telling of the birth of Jesus in Revelation is the in form of a cosmic battle against Satan.  And, the New Testament makes it clear that Jesus fought for and continues to fight for his Bride – the church  (that would be you and me!).  Adventure, battle, rescue.  All the elements of a great story.

The last thing I want men to come away with on a Sunday at Cold Springs Church is to “be more good.”  I long for all but especially the men of CSCC to see their lives as a story that is fully discovered in God’s story.  I want men inspired to go for the adventure, to rush into the battle and be the hero through the power God.  I want men to see that the goal of life is not to be a good husband/father/man but rather to be a mighty man of God that is a holy husband/father/man.  “Goodness” is safe, holiness is dangerous.  We need more dangerous men that take seriously the call of God that transforms their world with the love of God.  Being good will keep you out of trouble but that isn’t what Jesus’ life was about.  Jesus’ life was about a deep connection to God that directed and empowered everything he was and did.  And Jesus was dangerous.

Men, it’s time to step up and move beyond good and pursue being holy.  I need you, the church needs you, the world needs you.  Step up!

I’ve got your back.

David

“for God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control.” (2 Timothy 1:7, ESV)

Compassion

If I get to the newspaper first in the morning (of which I usually do), I keep an out for that part of the paper which occasionally shows up designed to pull the heartstrings of readers.  It is the section where there is a picture of some cute puppy or little kitty cat that is in need of a home.  I keep my eye out for it because I know when my wife Pam sees it, there will be some emotional response – depending on the cuteness factor.  You see, my wife is very compassionate.  She is moved by the plight of others – four-legged and two-legged.

            The root meaning of the word “compassion” is “to suffer with.”  Let’s be honest – compassion is an inconvenience.  We spend much of our energy making sure we don’t personally suffer and then along comes compassion, which requires that we suffer because of someone else’s needs.

            No one could say that Jesus tried to hide from suffering.  In fact he seems to invite it into his life most of the time.  And one of the ways he does that is being aware and attentive to those around him.  In his awareness, Jesus was regularly emotionally impacted by their needs.  He suffered in his heart because he saw the suffering of those around him.  If we are going to follow Jesus, if we are going to more and more live our lives like his, compassion will be something we grow into.  As we become more like Jesus we will be more aware of the needs of those around us and we will be moved by them.

            But here is something really important to understand about the compassion of Jesus:  compassion always moved him to action.  Compassion will move us to action if it is motivated by Godly love.  Jesus was moved with compassion when he saw sick people and he healed them.  Jesus was moved with compassion when he saw hungry people and he fed them.  Jesus was moved with compassion when he saw ignorant people so he taught them.  Jesus was moved with compassion when he saw hurting people and he comforted them.  God was moved with compassion when he saw us lost so he sent his Son Jesus to seek and to save us from our lostness.

            We are passionate about raising up compassionate followers of Jesus Christ to be risk-takers for God.  That is our mission at Cold Springs Community Church.  Compassion is an essential element of living out God’s mission in the world.

            Feeling compassion is an invitation to take the risk of acting in love to meet the need of another.  We haven’t been compassionate until we have acted upon the feeling.  We haven’t been like Jesus until we have actually done something in response to the need by which we have been moved.

            Here is my challenge – start exercising your compassion muscle.  Over the next five days pay particular attention to someone God has put in your life – a parent, daughter, son, spouse, neighbor, co-worker - and try to see a need they have each day and then do something to meet that need.  Decide you are going to act with compassion.  When you do this, you will become more like Jesus and you will probably really surprise some people!

            “…a compassionate follower of Jesus Christ…”  There’s no better way to live.

Peace and grace,

David

Are You Going To Finish Well?

Many years ago, as I was reading the book of Daniel, the Holy Spirit highlighted one particular verse.  Has that ever happened to you?  You are reading along and there is a spiritual highlighter that has been used by God to tell you, “Pay attention!”

            The context is the famous story of Daniel getting tossed into a den full of lions because he won’t compromise his worship of God by doing acts of worship toward the king of the day, Darius.  So Daniel’s enemies set him up to be discredited and removed.  Sounds like a modern day political tale, doesn’t it?

            There was a problem though.  The problem was Daniel had lived an exemplary life.  And here is where the spiritual highlighter comes in.

“At this, the administrators and the satraps tried to find grounds for charges against Daniel in his conduct of government affairs, but they were unable to do so. They could find no corruption in him, because he was trustworthy and neither corrupt nor negligent.” (Daniel 6:4, NIV) (emphasis mine)

            Here is what stuck out to me those many years ago.  Daniel’s integrity was intact because of what he did and what he didn’t do.  First, Daniel had integrity in what he didn’t do – he wasn’t corrupt.  I like to view myself as a realistic optimist.  Stuff happens but I try to believe in the best.  In the world I primarily live, the ministry world, I believe the vast majority of people engaged in vocational ministry are good-intentioned, God-pursuing people.  There are some people who go for the corruption route – they usually make a really big splash when they crash.  For most, it is fairly easy for us to reject corruption.  We don’t lie, steal, cheat, etc as a way of life.

            But what really struck me about this verse in Daniel’s story is the second part – “…nor negligent.”  Daniel not only didn’t do what was wrong, he didn’t shrink back from doing what was right.  And this is where I believe many of us can end up failing.  As I said, it is often easy to not do bad but it can be very difficult at times to do what is good when it is required.  And that is where Daniel’s life shone.  If I could put it another way, Daniel did the hard things.  Oh, and Daniel at this point in his life is probably about 70-80 years old.

            This Holy Spirit highlight came back to my mind in response to the recent headlines about Joe Paterno and the horrendous accusations of child sex abuse by one of his long-time assistant coaches.  Some ten years ago an intern saw an act of abuse by this man, reported it to Joe Paterno and he pushed it on up the administrative chain.  By all appearances it was pushed under the rug by the administration, allowing the alleged abuse to continue on for years against other boys.

            Paterno is a man of deep faith.  He is a man of honor.  His motto in his coaching was to “win with honor.”  He was the nation’s winningest and longest tenured major-college football coach.  He had the second highest graduation rate of players.  He has many, many awards and accolades to his name.  And he was fired.  Not for something he did.  But for something he didn’t do.  For most, the legacy Joe Paterno’s will be remembered for is what he didn’t do 10 years ago to hold someone accountable and protect young boys from a predator, not for his decades of coaching and leadership excellence, impacting literally thousands for good.

            We are leaders.  And, as Andy Stanley once said: “Leadership is stewardship.  It is temporary and you’re accountable.”  We are accountable for what we do.  And we are accountable for what we don’t do.  Maybe you are wrestling right now with the corruption side of things.  You are being tempted with your besetting sins, you are being tempted to compromise your beliefs and values for temporary gain.  It’s time to talk with Jesus and a friend.  Get it into the light because when it is in the dark, Satan is winning and he is preparing his plan to crush you.

            Perhaps more likely, there are some hard things you have been putting off doing.  You just don’t want to have the conflict, make the confrontation, take the time, be bothered with the details.  It is always easier to keep doing what we have always done than do something different.  Change is hard.  If this is the place you find yourself, it’s time to talk with Jesus and a friend.  You need a plan and you need some accountability.  In relationship with Jesus and others, you will have the strength to do the hard things - to do what is right.  One of my long-ago mentors, Bob Smith, would say to me over and over – “You do what is right because it is right.”

            It is hard to finish well.  Daniel did.  Jesus is the greatest example.  Meditate on these words and finish well.  Do the hard things.

“Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us also lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is seated at the right hand of the throne of God.” (Hebrews 12:1–2, ESV)

Grace

One of the best definitions of grace is undeserved favor.  When we are recipients of grace, we get something that may be hoped for but is largely unexpected and definitely not deserved.  When we extend grace to others, we are giving favor or blessings to someone regardless of whether they deserve it or not.

            Grace is tricky and it is costly.  We usually know when we are not giving enough grace to someone but it is more difficult to figure out if we are overextending grace (is there such a thing as too much grace?).  Our fear with too much grace is we will be taken advantage of.  Our barrier to extending grace is our need for justice in our way and in our time.  “How can we extend grace to someone who is so undeserving, who shouldn’t get any favor at all?”, we ask ourselves.  But that is the very point, is it not?

            Unfortunately, I find that I can have the hardest time being consistently graceful to those closest to me.  I woke up grumpy one morning this week and the family knew it by my less-than-stellar-attitude and tone of voice.  When my son gently challenged me on this, I pointed out the events of the previous day that were contributing to my gracelessness.  He responded, “It’s a new day.”  I wanted to slap him up side the head!  My gracelessness was revealed and the simple truth of Lamentations was my rebuke.  He was right and I didn’t want to hear it.  I thanked him later for saying what was right and true and gave him permission to do it again.

“The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases; his mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. “The Lord is my portion,” says my soul, “therefore I will hope in him.” ” (Lamentations 3:22–24, ESV)

            As a Christian, we are to be people of grace.  We are to continuously give and receive undeserved favor to the world.  But, as Lamentations reminds us, we are to remember that grace doesn’t come from us, it flows through us.  The source of grace is Jesus Christ.  “The Lord is my portion therefore I will hope in him” is to be our soul’s cry.  We can be people of grace because God is enough.  He fills us to overflowing.

            I don’t know that extending true grace will ever be easy but we can get better at it.  It is something to be practiced and in the practice of grace, God begins to change our heart.  In giving others undeserved favor we begin to see how much we depend upon God’s undeserved favor in our lives.  We start to have eyes wide open to how others extend us grace much more than we realize.

            My hope for Cold Springs Church is we will be a place of undeserved favor.  I pray we will risk being taken advantage of so others might see the fullness of God’s grace poured out through Jesus.  I long that we would be so deeply rooted in Jesus that his portion and hope would be enough so we could generously give to others.

            Amazing grace, how sweet the sound…

Peace and grace,

David