A
few years ago I was standing in line at the hardware store and a couple of
friends were talking about the project they were working on. As one friend described his house it
became apparent that is was one of the very old homes in our community. One of the problems he discovered was
with the foundation – there wasn’t one!
Apparently, back in the day, the foundation consisted of a pile of big
rocks under each corner of the house.
The rocks had slipped on his house and now the house was off
kilter. That would be quite the
project – and quite the problem!
Foundations
are critical. If there is a good
foundation, there is the chance to build a solid structure. But if the foundation is off, then
everything is thrown off and it quickly becomes a mess.
When
it comes to building meaningful relationships, love is what makes them
meaningful. But love has many
nuances. For the Greeks, they used
four different words to describe love.
In CS Lewis’ book “The Four Loves”,
he describes the simplest and most foundational form of love as Appreciative love. This Appreciative love can stand on its
own but it also weaves its way into meaningful friendship, meaningful erotic
love and meaningful covenantal love.
If
there was one word I would use to understand Appreciative love, it would be delight. When we “like” someone there is a certain level of delight
we take in them. Delight finds
enjoyment in someone. We find
ourselves choosing the longer line at the grocery store because we “like” a
certain employee and they are working that line. We go to Starbucks at the same time and use the drive-through
because we have come to delight in the smile and friendly banter of the
barista. Appreciative love finds
us stopping and just drinking in our children and grandchildren because they
are just so goofy, silly, crazy – they are just so… delightful.
Charlie,
one of my softball buddies, has this great way he engages in the encouraging
chatter toward his teammates on the field. It’s always positive and it ends with this unique,
sort-of-funky upward voice inflection.
Every time I hear it, I smile.
It’s just delightful – it’s him and it’s good. I told him I appreciated it.
The
problem with Appreciative love is, no doubt, it won’t be long before we run
into things we don’t appreciate or we
don’t find delightful in
another. What then? Well, we can pretty quickly fall in and
out of like. And much of it is
dependent upon time, location, opportunity and choice. Everyone has undelightful things about
them. The deeper loves look beyond
those things and search for and focus on the delightful. But here is the kicker – you can’t get
to deeper, more meaningful loves without first finding delight in and
appreciating another.
So,
here’s the assignment – practice “liking” others. Seriously. Look for the things that are delightful
in others. Look for the things you can appreciate. In your struggling marriage, find the good. In your punky, driving-you-crazy kid,
find the delight. In your
overbearing, controlling parents, find what you appreciate. It isn’t all there is to love but it is
foundational to love. And it is
your choice.
Peace and grace,
David
“Delight yourself in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart.” (Psalm 37:4, ESV)
